Gastroparesis (or, my stupid gross stomach)

I haven't been able to blog as much as I've wanted to lately. My photos and ideas are stacked up, just wanting for me to find a few hours to lay them all out. However, I've been a busy lady, and there have been some major changes over here.

Numero uno: My dearest man-friend and lovely husband Matt has left town for the summer. He's walking the cliffs and gullies of Pittsburgh and interning in the Office of the Public Defender. This is a wonderful development - it clears so many roads for future opportunities and cinches our return next summer. I will miss him dearly, along with Pittsburgh's steamy, green summer, but the sacrifice of time apart is nothing compared to the joy I feel at the thought of returning, of moving back to Pittsburgh, of standing in the doorway of a row house with my hands on my hips.

Numero dos: I have been dealing with some chronic GI health issues since 2007. One fine summer day four years ago a switch was flipped and my stomach became my most hated enemy. Over the years my symptoms shifted and I suffered through cycles of remission and reoccurance. I received diagnoses of gastritis and GERD, but diet changes and endless meds did nothing to eliminate the shadowy cause of all this pain. Last week I finally got in to see a respected GI specialist, and his diagnosis was swift and confident: Gastroparesis.

I suspect you are just as confused as I was. Although this condition affects one out of twenty-five people, I had never heard of it. Basically, it is a partial paralysis of the stomach caused by nerve damage. Often this nerve damage is caused by complications of diabetes. However, for many (like me), the cause is never fully known. But now that my stomach can't move very well, food just hangs out there. This is the really disgusting part. It also explains a lot, like why I have the magical ability to vomit up my breakfast at 2pm. It's not witchcraft people! My stomach is just that stupid and gross.

Since there is no direct treatment for the nerve damage and this is a chronic condition, the best thing I can do is dramatically change my diet. The doctor gave me a booklet explaining the virtues of a good blender and eating 6-8 tiny, annoying meals instead of three normal-sized, satisfying ones. But the best part was the recommended foods:

AVOID: raw vegetables, winter squash, whole wheat products, corn, brown rice, beans/peas/lentils, citrus fruits and berries, cruciferous vegetables, nuts and seeds, anything high in fat

EAT: white bread, white rice, pasta, vegetables that have been cooked to shit, cottage cheese, fruit and vegetable juices, yogurt, eggs, smoothies, low-fat cheese, potatoes sans peels, crackers Crackers CRACKERS

As a really goddamn healthy vegetarian, this diet was a total mindfuck. Suddenly, everything I ate regularly and relied on to keep me healthy was part of the problem. And everything I avoided was somehow good for me. All these years of eating crappy whole-wheat pasta for nothing! As much as I gave the whole thing the side-eye I made like a good patient and bought my cottage cheese and sourdough bread and protein powder. I drank some weird smoothies and broke my meals into little snacklets. I even bought out the kozy shack pudding cups for days when I can't stomach enough calories of white bread. But then something interesting happened.

I began to feel better.

A lot better.

No longer did I finish a meal only to suffer two hours of choking and reflux. No longer was I suddenly nauseous because I ate a handful of peanuts. It's been a dramatic and swift improvement, and such a deep relief. Although I can hardly eat like a normal person right now, I can finally go through a day without feeling ill.

Doctor, I'm sorry I gave you the side-eye. I just had no idea that white bread might actually be good for me.