The Art Museum Caper (aka Party at the Parthenon)

To set up this story you have to know a little about the Parthenon.



No, the Parthenon in Nashville.



There we go.

By day the Parthenon is a small and quirky art museum located in the middle of Centennial Park. However, by night it occasionally becomes ground zero for a certain kind of city event, namely pricey and/or exclusive receptions.

By a stroke of luck my friend Dave and I lucked into an invite to the Nashville Scene's Best of Nashville Party. This meant free food from the winning restaurants, an evening at the Parthenon and a little something called "drink tickets". The only catch was that we had to pull off a bit of subterfuge to get in the door: I had to pretend to be a famous and award winning baker.

While waiting in line at the will call, I envisioned the 100 little things that could go wrong. They can be summed up nicely in this scene from a Simpsons episode entitled "Cape Feare":

FBI Agent 1: I'll tell you what sir, from now on you'll be uh, Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. (Homer nods) When I say hello Mr. Thompson you'll say "hi."

Homer: Check.

FBI Agent 1: Hello Mr. Thompson (Homer stares blankly at him.).....remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.

Homer: I gotcha.

FBI Agent 1: Hello Mr. Thompson (Homer stares blankly at him. Agents look at each other.)

(Much later, the conversation is still going on.)

FBI Agent 1: Urrrh, now when I say, "Hello Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot you smile and nod.

Homer: No problem.

FBI Agent 1: Hello Mr. Thompson (FBI Agent 1 presses down on homer's foot.)

Homer: (leans over to FBI Agent 2.) I think he's talking to you.

However our caper went off without a hitch. Within minutes we were drinking plastic cups of Crown Royal while staring at the huge statue of Athena inside the Parthenon.


Oh hai. I am 42 feet tall. The dude in my hand is 6'4".

I has been hearing a great deal of praise for the statue of Athena since I moved here, and this was my first time seeing it in person. And while she is, well, very very tall, the statue itself is pretty gaudy and soulless. Apparently this is a fairly accurate depiction of what the original statue looked like; it has been revealed that almost all ancient Greek marble sculpture was painted. I give her a thumbs down. However, I will admit that her shield and giant golden snake are badass.

The rest of the night was a blast. We stuffed ourselves with tiny plates of delicacies and mini-mini-cupcakes. My favorites included an awesome down-home plate of burned-on-top mac&cheese and a cracker piled with silken, salty goat cheese, cracked pepper and honey. Dave took it as a personal challenge to investigate every variety of ham that crossed his path. And, oh yes, lots of buttercream. Our BBC (Blood Buttercream Content) was a 0.15. We would have failed a buttercream breathalyzer.

We left the scene of the crime with an ear of corn in each pocket (courtesy of the farmer's market) and our ears ringing from the all-90's cover band. Just another night in Nashville.